Exhausted

After the madness of the last couple of weeks, the constant going, going, going since Tuesday, the being with lots of people on Christmas Eve, Christmas and then the HUGE shrimp fest party for my birthday boy yesterday, today I'm EXHAUSTED. I don't want to see anyone, I don't want to talk to anyone, I don't want to have to use up my energy sources for a thing. Today I am taking care of myself so I can in turn continue to minister to my family and others around me because right now I have nothing left. It has been great holiday, I love my family, I love my friends, I just need to refuel...

Blessed

I love music. I am not the best communicator and I get so frustrated sometimes when I'm trying to get something across and my lack of words, emphasis, inflection,... something does not allow me to do it affectively. Music on the other hand. I hear a song and it is THAT exactly what I want to get across. Like someone took it from my head and put it so eloquently to music. The funny thing is, my husband is the complete opposite. He is an incredible communicator. He is smart, witty, quick and has an entire dictionary in his head which allows him to communicate quite affectively. But music to him is really just a lot of noise that he has troubles deciphering unless I give him the lyrics to follow along with. With our incredible differences we do communicate pretty good. Mostly he is just a VERY patient man as a I ramble for hours to try and let him know what I'm thinking and he eventually figures it out. Or else I find the perfect song and I hand him the lyrics.

Here is one of those Perfect songs from an incredibly gifted lady~Enjoy!

Contentment....

Psalm 131
A song of ascents. Of David.
1 My heart is not proud, O LORD,
my eyes are not haughty;
I do not concern myself with great matters
or things too wonderful for me.

2 But I have stilled and quieted my soul;
like a weaned child with its mother,
like a weaned child is my soul within me.

3 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD
both now and forevermore.

I will not be moved!

I don't think I need to elaborate, this is totally awesome and my new theme song ~

Thankful

The wayward blogger has returned, well sort of. I don't make any promises to be very regular on here. I like writing occasionally but only when stuff starts rattling in the brain, which really isn't very often. No snide comments please.

It has been a rough go for awhile. The failing economy has definately been felt in my household. I have gone from being peaceful, to being angry, to railing, to giving the cold shoulder, back to knowing who holds everything and gives all perfect and good gifts. I can't even say that I'm done with this cycle because honestly I'm a work in progress and that would mean that I have perfected something and I haven't. The one thing that I keep coming across to me over and over again is I am to be thankful in EVERYTHING. (Rabbit Trail: Does anyone know how many times that is said in the Bible? I was curious because I think I've been led to them all) WOW! That means when my husband is out or work and the bank calls me 20 times a day wanting to know if we can pay the mortgage now that I'm to be thankful. That means when Ive had a not so good day, I'm grouchy, and everyone else is grouchy because it is 7 o'clock at night and I haven't got dinner on the table and I shatter an entire full bottle of red coloring I'm to be thankful. I'm not sure, because I am a work in progress, that I am to be thankful that I have a kitchen that looked someone had been slaughtered in or just to be thankful that someone in reality hadn't been slaughtered in it, because really the sly comments coming my direction they were all on the edge. The thought that has come to me is it doesn't matter what situation I am I would find it tragic if it didn't bring God glory because in the end that is what I want my life to look like. I want people to see that in my life no matter the situation in plenty or in want, in sickness or in health, I want my life to reflect the GLORY of GOD. I am thankful, I am thankful for all that God has chosen to give me. He is a good God and I will continually praise him.

I love this song and the more I sing it/hear it the deeper the meaning it takes. Enjoy!

Awakening Fest 2008

Last weekend my friend, Jeanette, and I took a group of teens plus our two 9 year-olds to an outdoor Christian music festival. We had a blast! We met up with others we knew and hung out. It was a beautiful day (we prayed the thunderstorms away and they skirted around us)the music was great(Newsboys, Skillet, Matthew West plus others), the speaker(Justin Lookadoo) was awesome and we got to meet one of our favorite bands, Skillet. Check out the slide show I put together.

A Cure for Juvenile Diabetes

I have been so blessed. I have 5 children and they are all healthy children. We haven't been to see a doctor in 2 years. Not everybody is this lucky.

My sister, Kendra, has two boys who both at the age of 10 were diagnosed with Juvenile Diabetes. They were plunged into a world of checking their blood for sugar and shots of insulin everyday. They are capable of managing it, but there are still high risks involved if something gets miscalculated, someone is sick, even the natural process of going through puberty effects this delicate balance. It is not a life I would wish on anyone, especially a child and that who is typically diagnosed with this disease.

Please take the time to watch Jared and Jake's video and if you can at all help go to this website and help raise money for a cure.

PaperBackSwap

I know I haven't posted in a long while. I am sorry but I just haven't had much to say. I am very sporadic at this type of thing.

I have to tell you the exciting find I found today. I LOVE to read. I encourage my kids to read and find the excitement of a good story. I go to the library a lot, but sometimes they don't always carry what I want to read. So I buy books. I buy them from yard sales, goodwill, Wal-mart, Amazon, ect... Well this site is a book swap. There is NO membership fee as of yet. The only cost is when someone requests the books that you have posted you pay to ship them. But when you request a book they will pay the postage to send it to you. You get credits for every book that you actually ship to someone and they receive it. Then you use the credits to get books. So that way you don't have people getting books without reciprocating. I am so excited about it. I have started cleaning off my shelves. I put a link on my sidebar. Go check it out! If you sign up be sure to let them know I sent you. My user id is tavnkate5.

Parents and Children

Wow! It has been awhile since I have posted something. I wrote and said my parents were here. They have now gone to visit my great grandma and extended family in Maine, but they are returning here before heading back West. We had a great time. We didn't DO much, but just having them here and visiting is so awesome. I also realized just how much I use the computer to fill up the emptiness I have being away from my family. I hardly got on here when they were here, I actually had no desire to. But now that they have left here I am again. I am having to work on my attitude. I have been a little depressed since they left. I have been snappy with my kids and especially Tav, poor guy. I have to work hard on being content with where God has me. I want to be closer to my family so I can visit more often. This week or two out of the year stinks!The good news is that they are returning in 3 weeks and will be here for another week before they head home. YAY!

As for children, my mommy's heart is hurting. My 16 yo is away. He is visiting cousins out West. He'll be gone for another 2 weeks. I am amazed at the comments I am receiving about living it up and having all kinds of fun with him gone. Just to let you all know, I LIKE my son. He is fun, funny and a light in my life. Yes I miss him and I will be GLAD when he gets home. Then my oldest baby is sick. She is house sitting and has called me and sounds absolutely miserable, so I am going to go over and take care of her today. I'm not sure I like this growing up thing. I want to gather up all of my chicks and put them back in the nest.~Sigh~

Perhaps I'll take all of my chicks and go and jump back in my parents nest. HA! That is an image!

"I'm busy, busy dreadfully busy"

Just a quick fly by the seat post. I have been very busy visiting my parents. I have 3 weeks to squeeze in an entire year. It is a very good busy. I have been trying to catch up on my regular blog reading but it has been more of a scan. I'll catch up later. Love you all.

Thankfulness

This weekend I was having a conversation with some good friends. Life has been difficult for all of us lately and one of the things that came up was the question why some people seemed to be so blessed and we are struggling. Now honestly we were looking at the monetarily side of this. I don't want a whole lot, but I do want to provide for my family's needs and I believe that is what the others were expressing too.

This morning as I was reading through my Bible I read about thinking on the positive things and then I read in Lamentations 3 that in all of our struggles we have hope in God. Then I started thinking about my friend Julie. She has been struggling with where God has placed her and someone suggested she do a list of things she is thankful for. So I decided to do one. I'm not going to do 25 like she did, but I will do 10. I may also try to do this once a week. Please feel free to join me I would love to see your lists too. So leave me a comment.

1. God's mercy and grace
2. The dawn of a new day
3. The breathe of life
4. A faithful, supporting husband
5. 5 beautiful healthy children
6. A warm (cool) home
7. Enough food to feed my family for at least a month
8. A running a vehicle to get me around.
9. Good friends to laugh with me when I'm laughing and cry with me when I'm crying. ( I love you guys)
10. The doe and her small baby who ate breakfast in my backyard this morning as I was drinking my coffee.

A Little Nugget of Truth

I just love reading the Bible. I can read something a thousand times and then I'll read it and WHAM! God gives me a little nugget of truth that is so appropriate for what I need at that moment. Today that happened, it actually brought tears to my eyes.

I don't read Job much. It is rather depressing. But you know Job was an incredible man of faith. He got a little long winded and God corrected him, but aside from that his faith was amazing. He endured things that I cannot imagine and have no desire to endure, yet his faith in God remained. As my one of my favorite authors, Beth Moore, pointed out he didn't even have the Word of God to hold onto and to read over and over again the promises God makes to us.

Well in my little struggles that I'm having this quote from Job touched something deep inside me. I especially love verse 10. It is so wonderful to know when God seems so far away he knows exactly where I am and he is working on me. I hope it encourages someone else too.

Job 23:8-10 (New International Version)

8 "But if I go to the east, he is not there;
if I go to the west, I do not find him.

9 When he is at work in the north, I do not see him;
when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.

10 But he knows the way that I take;
when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

Tribute

Ninety-Five years ago today, a baby boy was born. It was in a very small town in Nebraska. He was raised into a fine young man who loved the Lord. He then met a beautiful, wholesome farm girl from Oklahoma who also loved the Lord. They then married on this same date 71 years ago. They then went on and raised 3 children to love the Lord. They in turn had children who were raised knowing the love of God and now those grandchildren are raising their many children to know the love of the Lord.



It is because of their faithfulness in teaching their children who then passed it on to me that I grew to know the love of God. They were also a very huge presence in my life not only in words but they were the best examples in living a Godly life that I can think of. I am trying to pass on to my children what they have taught me, but it has been hard to follow in their footsteps. I like to think though, that from somewhere up in heaven that they are looking down at me and are proud of me and of my family that Tav and I are raising. I thank God for the faithfulness of my grandparents and the previous generations who were faithful in teaching them. I pray fervently that I can pass it on and make the same impact that they have had in my life as well as my parents, siblings, cousins, and all of their offspring. It is truly amazing.

They truly have left an amazing Legacy.

What are my priorities?

Here lately I have felt like the circus act where the performer tries to keep all of the plates spinning on the sticks. One or two is ok but you keep adding and then you have to madly go back and forth keeping the first ones going as you add more. I feel as if I've come to the point where all of my plates are falling down. All of the "stuff" in my life is falling apart and breaking. My vehicles are barely going and really shouldn't be. My lawn tractor died this spring and our push mower has given all it has to give. Our new Playstation 3 we received as a gift last Christmas stopped working. Both our laptop and our desktop computers are having issues...

All of this is very frustrating to me. Especially when I look at this and decide that we really cannot shell out any money to fix any of this. Tav was out of work for about 6 weeks which used up all of our extra resources and he has now taken a job that requires him to be away and eat and sleep away from the family. But really as a contemplate this really it is "stuff". Yes, it makes my life easier, makes my yard prettier, offers us entertainment. But in the long term what does it offer? Does it show salvation to someone who needs it? Does it enhance relationships? In 50 years from now, will I still be suffering from not having any of these items? Just why is my husband working 10 - 12 hours a day doing hard physical labor for? I've told him it is to feed his family & pay for the house we live in. But in reality that is a small portion of the income he makes that slips through our fingers like sand. We have bought into what society has told us that we need to be happy: stuff, things, activities, vacations, comfort. And quite honestly I'm not happy.

Perhaps, G0d is showing me the sweet life of simplicity that we as Americans have left far behind. I really think I have missed the mark and it is time to reset the course.

Going it husbandless...

My husband's job is forever changing. Changing companies, changing locations, changing projects. He is an electrician and he goes where the work is. Being close to a large city that is the direction he usually goes and we are close enough that he can come home at night, put his feet up, play a game with the kids, hang out with his friends, and sleep in the bed at night. Well this year work is scarce. I don't know if the economy is making companies nervous about working on big projects or if as my husband says it is a presidential election year and so everyone is sitting back and watching to see what will happen. My guess is that it is both.

Well being out of work on and off for about 6 weeks he finally was called to a job. 3 HOURS away. What do you do? He took it of course. Although with the price of gas and the length of the days he puts in with hard physical labor, we decided it was best he just camp out. We are going onto our 4th week. He has come home once a week to get clean clothes and stock up on his prescription meds that he has to have. And of course to see me and the kids. Even if it is just for one night.

I know there are lots of couple out in the world who have it a lot harder and are gone for months at a time. But really, this STINKS.

I am grateful for the job and grateful for the income, but I am praying big time that something close by opens up soon. I miss the large man sleeping next to me at night. I could get into the whining and whimpering of this, so I'm going to sign off and go cry in my pillow for awhile.

Mommy and Me

This week I have the RARE opportunity to have some one-on-one time with my youngest sweet pea. Being the youngest of 5 kids she in her short life has had to learn to play with the big dogs or get chewed up and left behind. She has learned this lesson well. She is very opinionated, strong willed and dramatic. Not all of this is bad because everything she does, whether it be for the good or the bad, she does it with everything she has. She has a zest for life. I love it and I love her with all I have.

I am not sure what we are going to do today. We have the WHOLE day, until bedtime whole day. So far she has asked that we do math and that we have spaghetti for dinner. I think we can accomplish both. Something else about being the youngest is she entertains herself really well, in fact she is playing quietly while I'm typing this up. But I'm not going to keep her waiting we have books to read and princesses to pretend and of course MATH!

New slideshow and a question...

I have a new addiction! I am loving putting slideshows together with my pictures. Because I sort of stumbled on this a month or so ago, I don't have much know how. I googled free slide shows with music. I came upon Smilebox. It is pretty fun. But the irritating part is if I want to use my own music and have a slide show without ads I have to pay. Of course! So here is a question, what are some affordable programs that I could use that would allow me to put these slide shows together. I really like free, or if I have something all ready on my computer that can do it that I am not aware of, that would be really cool. Any suggestions? Please comment. I love comments.

Well here is my newest creation. This is of Kameron's soccer tournament he played in a couple of weeks ago. The music is loud and hard rock, so if you don't want to listen to it, turn it down. Also because these are snapshots from some of us on the sidelines some pictures are really blurry, but they would of been really cool shots. So I threw them in. I hope you enjoy!

Make a Smilebox slideshow

Ranting

I have an issue. I REALLY HATE East Coast roads. I grew up in the West. I learned to drive in the West. They have W I D E roads. Not only do they have wide roads they have large shoulders on the roads (so if you need to pull over you CAN!) Their roads are also straight and tend to run North/South, East/West. It is a beautiful thing and something I totally took for granted until I moved East. I remember when I first moved here. My husband picked me up from the airport and drove me home and I literally thought we were going to die. The road was narrow, windy, twisty and people were driving 80 miles an hour.

I did become accustomed to the roads eventually. Then a few years ago I was RUN OFF the road by somebody who was in a big stinking hurry and tried to pass the car in front of them on a solid yellow line. The problem was that I was coming in there direction. I side swiped the utility pole sitting 4 feet off the road instead of hitting the car head on. I had a few aches and pains and some bruises and some pelvic problems for a years or so, but I still had my life and that of my daughter who was in the back seat.

The thing is that combined with the nasty roads has caused a phobia. Some days are not so bad other days (when I'm tired) it is horrible. My older kids give me a hard time and my husband is to the point he won't drive if I'm in the car because I totally flip out. It is pretty bad sometimes. I know it is insane but I'm convinced that they are all out to get me and want my lane to the point of putting my life and those with me in jeopardy.

Yesterday, Kameron and I went to get his drivers permit. EEKS! He then convinced me, like only Kameron can, to let him DRIVE with me in the car! He didn't do too bad actually. Well after I kicked him out of the drivers seat we headed home on one of the worst roads around our area. Guess what? there was an accident near our housing development. It wasn't bad, just a fender bender. Actually one of the cars was totaled I'm sure. But everyone looked to be ok. So we continued on. Then we went to the movies last night, on the way home guess what? There was another accident. We came upon it before the police. In fact the police car zoomed in and parked directly in front of me. On a side note the lights on those vehicles is enough to cause an accident, it took me a good 5 minutes to be able to see again without blue and red spots. That one was pretty bad, they took down the utility pole that was sitting 4 feet off the road. Then to top off the evening I had a take a detour that had me on a road that was made east coast style and that it snaked back and forth so bad that one of my kids got sick. THEN this morning I took Kameron to work and guess what? Yep! there was an accident. Again it was just a fender bender. But STILL!! within a 24 hour period I have seen 3 accidents.

I am ready to stay home and cover up my head and never head out again. What are people thinking???? We have insanely put together roads (who designs them anyway?!?!) and then insane people who push the limits to get some where 3 seconds faster at the cost of someones life!

OK I'm going to get off my soap box. If you have made it this far in my little post I congratulate you. I'm sure it was pretty lame reading. I also thank you and ask that you pray for me in this phobia. There are days I think I'm going to have a panic attack trying to get to the store.

Soccer

When growing up I didn't know much about sports. My family was not sport oriented. My brothers didn't play any sports and my dad was not into football or baseball like a lot of men are. I then married a man who is not into sports. I signed my daughter up for t-ball when she was 5 but she spent the entire time in the outfield with her mitt on her head and picking daisies. Needless to say I didn't sign her up again. So when my son turned 5 and my friend suggest I sign him up for soccer, I was dubious. I actually drug my feet and whined, but she was persuasive and I went ahead and did it.

It was amazing! He loved it. He was not the star player nor did he have natural abilities like some kids displayed, but he had a desire to play. He actually won the most improved player 2 or 3 years in a row! I have spent many seasons sitting on the sidelines watching practices and games. It went from a few cute little boys playing amoeba ball to a good size team of some good size boys that are really good players that are actually a lot of fun to watch.

A couple of weeks ago his team was in a soccer tournament. They didn't win, but they came pretty close to it. The team played hard and they played well. There were some boys that were very disappointed but they had no reason to be. They had an awesome team with some really neat coaches (I can't say that for some of the teams they were up against!)

Just letting you know, Kameron, that I'm proud of you. You played good and you are an awesome team player. I hope you keep playing and I hope you take the time to coach some amoeba ball when you have kids of your own!

Happy Birthday Tayva

My baby is turning 18 tomorrow. I don't know where the time has gone. I do know that she has made me one of the proudest moms there ever was. She is a beautiful young lady and I'm honored to call her my daughter. I love you, Sis. Mom.

PS turn off the playlist before you play the slideshow.

Make a Smilebox slideshow

BIRTHDAY PARTY....

God has chosen to bless me with 5 children. For the most part I love it. It was my childhood dream to be a mom. But there are a few areas I have to sacrifice self to make the little ones smile. One of those is birthday parties.

I hate birthday parties. Actually it is the planning of them and the anticipation of them. Ok I don't care for being at them either. You have a room full of kids hyped up on cake, ice cream, candy, soda, kool-aid, plus the adrenaline of ALL OF THE PRESENTS. It makes me want to go back to bed and cover my head until it all goes away.

Last year as my oldest one was approaching her 17th birthday I declared we would have NO birthday parties for the entire year. NO one would have a party. I had been throwing parties for over 16 years and I needed a break.









Well as of today my break is over. My second son is turning 9 on Saturday and today is the DAY. He gets to have a party. He has been talking about this day for over a year. He started planning it in March and I ignored and/or changed the subject until last Sunday. That is when I emailed invitations. I have been in turmoil ever since. It actually has put me in a paralysis and I can't think straight and I can't breathe right and I feel dizzy and... you get the picture. I have called one of my very good freinds and asked her to PLEASE hold my hand and tell me I could do this (she is like the party queen) BREATHE, BREATHE, BREATHE.

OK I am taking a big breathe, clearing my head, drinking my second cup of coffee and mentally preparing for the afternoon. Oh, it will be worth it in the end. He is just to darn cute and he showers me with hugs and kisses and tells me I'm the best mom EVER. It makes my heart melt and all of the mental anguish worth it. What mom wouldn't do it?

So Simple, Yet so Hard

Recently I felt like God was asking me to do something. I thought "no problem!" It was a pretty simple request, or so I thought. I proceeded to do it and I could NOT. I fell flat on my face. I was deflated (my pride was anyway) I went around downcast for about 4 days. I then went back to God and confessed my pride and I realized that I can NOT do ANYTHING without God. From the air that I breathe, to the tasks I take at hand, to my relationships, ect... NOTHING. How so very often I do go about thinking I have it all together. "No problem God, I have this you go help someone else right now. You, know someone with BIG problems" HA

I went back and tried to do what he asked of me, again, after my small group discussed how God wanted obedience from us. I asked for His help in this, what I thought to be, very simple task. I had success this time.

This week I am attempting to lay everything at his feet from the simple tasks to the impossible.

New

It's a new morning of a new week. I love the newness of both. They are clean slates. ~ Ah the sigh of contentment.~ I hope you all have great week.

ARGGG!

I am struggling right now. My future is looking bleak. I have been kicking, screaming, throwing an all out tantrum (ask my family I am sure they would fill in the details) I am angry at being at the place I am in now. The situation hasn't changed, though I am feeling a little more drained .

In between the times of having the bad attitude I have been clinging to God and his word. Really God and his word is my foundation, my rock. I feel safe in throwing my tantrum but I am still clinging to Him. He is where my hope is and I know that to the very core of my being. I have had several moments in the last few days where I have had to confess being totally self-centered and ungrateful.

In the meantime I have been working on a study by Beth Moore. I have been reading about Joy. God is our source of Joy. According to the Bible our salvation is reason enough to be joyful. "Restore the joy of your Salvation to me..." Psalm 51:12 God really did save us from the pit. whatever I'm facing now, it doesn't compare.

Something else. Paul rejoiced in his sufferings. He rejoiced while he was in jail. As a result he led the jailer AND his household to salvation(Act 16:25-34). I wonder if he would have had the same impact if he threw a temper tantrum first....God can really use everything for his Glory.

So instead of me seeing myself put out and uncomfortable I need to be looking for what God is doing in this situation and be praising him and rejoicing. I am grateful that this is just a temporary suffering (1 Peter 5:10.) I am also so glad for God's mercy and willingness to forgive my a bucket load of times!(psalm 86)


In parting, here is a Psalm that I have been reading multiple times. I hope you enjoy.

Psalm 71

God the Rock of Salvation

1 In You, O LORD, I put my trust;
Let me never be put to shame.
2 Deliver me in Your righteousness, and cause me to escape;
Incline Your ear to me, and save me.
3 Be my strong refuge,
To which I may resort continually;
You have given the commandment to save me,
For You are my rock and my fortress.

4 Deliver me, O my God, out of the hand of the wicked,
Out of the hand of the unrighteous and cruel man.
5 For You are my hope, O Lord GOD;
You are my trust from my youth.
6 By You I have been upheld from birth;
You are He who took me out of my mother’s womb.
My praise shall be continually of You.

7 I have become as a wonder to many,
But You are my strong refuge.
8 Let my mouth be filled with Your praise
And with Your glory all the day.

9 Do not cast me off in the time of old age;
Do not forsake me when my strength fails.
10 For my enemies speak against me;
And those who lie in wait for my life take counsel together,
11 Saying, “God has forsaken him;
Pursue and take him, for there is none to deliver him.”

12 O God, do not be far from me;
O my God, make haste to help me!
13 Let them be confounded and consumed
Who are adversaries of my life;
Let them be covered with reproach and dishonor
Who seek my hurt.

14 But I will hope continually,
And will praise You yet more and more.
15 My mouth shall tell of Your righteousness
And Your salvation all the day,
For I do not know their limits.
16 I will go in the strength of the Lord GOD;
I will make mention of Your righteousness, of Yours only.

17 O God, You have taught me from my youth;
And to this day I declare Your wondrous works.
18 Now also when I am old and grayheaded,
O God, do not forsake me,
Until I declare Your strength to this generation,
Your power to everyone who is to come.

19 Also Your righteousness, O God, is very high,
You who have done great things;
O God, who is like You?
20 You, who have shown me great and severe troubles,
Shall revive me again,
And bring me up again from the depths of the earth.
21 You shall increase my greatness,
And comfort me on every side.

22 Also with the lute I will praise You—
And Your faithfulness, O my God!
To You I will sing with the harp,
O Holy One of Israel.
23 My lips shall greatly rejoice when I sing to You,
And my soul, which You have redeemed.
24 My tongue also shall talk of Your righteousness all the day long;
For they are confounded,
For they are brought to shame
Who seek my hurt.

We are off!

It is finally here! Every year I look forward to the first weekend in June. It is when the annual state homeschool convention takes place.

Now some who go pack up the entire family and go. There is all kinds of cool things to do for all ages, but we choose not to do that. This year there are 7 of us going. 3 couples plus 1 (we love her for boldly going with us) We go to classes, get encouraged, get ideas, shop at the vendors, shop at the biggest used sale ever, and best of all we just hang out. Just all of us adults, no kids. We can go and hang out at a restaurant for HOURS if we want. We don't have to go to bed if we don't want, we can watch HGTV without whining and complaining (the girls share a room and the guys share a room) I love and cherish this time.

It is great. Although by the time I get home having my head full of new ideas and having oodles of encouragement, I am so excited to see my kids.

Walking on Water

I was pondering things at 4:00 this morning (the absolute BEST time to do it, or at least that is what my brain tries to tell me although I would rather sleep) I have come to the conclusion that I can very much relate to Peter.

A couple of weeks ago our lives took a change in course. This happens frequently but I really like the boring life and prefer less change and more of the same. But that rarely happens. I had determined that during this change that I was not going to panic. I did pretty good for the first few days, even a week! Then about 9 days into this change I got panicky. As my brain was wheeling and whirling and thinking of all of the "ifs"(the really bad "ifs" never the good "ifs") God spoke VERY clearly to me (I love it when he does this because if he is really quiet I question him for days on end... "Did you REALLY say that?") He said, "Do you trust Me?" OUCH! Most of the time I try to pretend I trust him, I can be convincing much of the time too. But really I was not.

I was reacting like Peter. I wanted to trust Him, I wanted to believe I could walk on water with him and I did for a few days. Then I took my eyes off of Him and I saw the waves splashing and the storm blowing around me. I became afraid of what I could see and afraid of the things my mind was seeing instead of having faith and trusting that God was and is the rock on which I'm standing. What a revelation, so simple but so very true. So here I am once again in my life, like the father with the demon possessed child, am crying out to God "I believe! Help me with my unbelief!"

I am so thankful that God is merciful and patient with me. I am also so thankful for his Word. He gave us examples of men (young men at that) that struggled, doubted, failed, were self-centered, ect... and then he used them to be mighty warriors for Him. That is truly in my heart of hearts what I desire to do, even if it isn't so "safe and secure." I just need to keep focused on God and not the storms that brew around me.

Here I go Again

I have been tossing it around about starting a blog. I all ready had one at another blogging place but everyone left. Then it got quiet and boring. I admit a big part of blogging is the comments I get back.There were comments about not being able to reply or post or something. I did notice some problems but I am forever loyal. Kind of like a dog, but I believe on occasions even more so. I believe a dog would leave when he gets hungry and figures out no one is coming back. I guess it could be argued that that is what I have done.

Anyway. I have had a few things floating around in my head and I caught myself thinking, "that would be a great blog!" But alas, I have no blog. Then my daughter out of the blue told me she thought I should start another one up. So after a month or so tossing it around here I am.

I will tell you from the start it will be sporatic at best. Sometimes I have great ideas that I just have to share and then other times I will go weeks without anything. But I hope you join me and continue to check in.