I was pondering things at 4:00 this morning (the absolute BEST time to do it, or at least that is what my brain tries to tell me although I would rather sleep) I have come to the conclusion that I can very much relate to Peter.
A couple of weeks ago our lives took a change in course. This happens frequently but I really like the boring life and prefer less change and more of the same. But that rarely happens. I had determined that during this change that I was not going to panic. I did pretty good for the first few days, even a week! Then about 9 days into this change I got panicky. As my brain was wheeling and whirling and thinking of all of the "ifs"(the really bad "ifs" never the good "ifs") God spoke VERY clearly to me (I love it when he does this because if he is really quiet I question him for days on end... "Did you REALLY say that?") He said, "Do you trust Me?" OUCH! Most of the time I try to pretend I trust him, I can be convincing much of the time too. But really I was not.
I was reacting like Peter. I wanted to trust Him, I wanted to believe I could walk on water with him and I did for a few days. Then I took my eyes off of Him and I saw the waves splashing and the storm blowing around me. I became afraid of what I could see and afraid of the things my mind was seeing instead of having faith and trusting that God was and is the rock on which I'm standing. What a revelation, so simple but so very true. So here I am once again in my life, like the father with the demon possessed child, am crying out to God "I believe! Help me with my unbelief!"
I am so thankful that God is merciful and patient with me. I am also so thankful for his Word. He gave us examples of men (young men at that) that struggled, doubted, failed, were self-centered, ect... and then he used them to be mighty warriors for Him. That is truly in my heart of hearts what I desire to do, even if it isn't so "safe and secure." I just need to keep focused on God and not the storms that brew around me.
6 years ago
