My baby is turning 18 tomorrow. I don't know where the time has gone. I do know that she has made me one of the proudest moms there ever was. She is a beautiful young lady and I'm honored to call her my daughter. I love you, Sis. Mom.
PS turn off the playlist before you play the slideshow.
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| Make a Smilebox slideshow |
God has chosen to bless me with 5 children. For the most part I love it. It was my childhood dream to be a mom. But there are a few areas I have to sacrifice self to make the little ones smile. One of those is birthday parties.
I hate birthday parties. Actually it is the planning of them and the anticipation of them. Ok I don't care for being at them either. You have a room full of kids hyped up on cake, ice cream, candy, soda, kool-aid, plus the adrenaline of ALL OF THE PRESENTS. It makes me want to go back to bed and cover my head until it all goes away.
Last year as my oldest one was approaching her 17th birthday I declared we would have NO birthday parties for the entire year. NO one would have a party. I had been throwing parties for over 16 years and I needed a break.
Well as of today my break is over. My second son is turning 9 on Saturday and today is the DAY. He gets to have a party. He has been talking about this day for over a year. He started planning it in March and I ignored and/or changed the subject until last Sunday. That is when I emailed invitations. I have been in turmoil ever since. It actually has put me in a paralysis and I can't think straight and I can't breathe right and I feel dizzy and... you get the picture. I have called one of my very good freinds and asked her to PLEASE hold my hand and tell me I could do this (she is like the party queen) BREATHE, BREATHE, BREATHE.
OK I am taking a big breathe, clearing my head, drinking my second cup of coffee and mentally preparing for the afternoon. Oh, it will be worth it in the end. He is just to darn cute and he showers me with hugs and kisses and tells me I'm the best mom EVER. It makes my heart melt and all of the mental anguish worth it. What mom wouldn't do it?
Recently I felt like God was asking me to do something. I thought "no problem!" It was a pretty simple request, or so I thought. I proceeded to do it and I could NOT. I fell flat on my face. I was deflated (my pride was anyway) I went around downcast for about 4 days. I then went back to God and confessed my pride and I realized that I can NOT do ANYTHING without God. From the air that I breathe, to the tasks I take at hand, to my relationships, ect... NOTHING. How so very often I do go about thinking I have it all together. "No problem God, I have this you go help someone else right now. You, know someone with BIG problems" HA
I went back and tried to do what he asked of me, again, after my small group discussed how God wanted obedience from us. I asked for His help in this, what I thought to be, very simple task. I had success this time.
This week I am attempting to lay everything at his feet from the simple tasks to the impossible.
It's a new morning of a new week. I love the newness of both. They are clean slates. ~ Ah the sigh of contentment.~ I hope you all have great week.
I am struggling right now. My future is looking bleak. I have been kicking, screaming, throwing an all out tantrum (ask my family I am sure they would fill in the details) I am angry at being at the place I am in now. The situation hasn't changed, though I am feeling a little more drained .
In between the times of having the bad attitude I have been clinging to God and his word. Really God and his word is my foundation, my rock. I feel safe in throwing my tantrum but I am still clinging to Him. He is where my hope is and I know that to the very core of my being. I have had several moments in the last few days where I have had to confess being totally self-centered and ungrateful.
In the meantime I have been working on a study by Beth Moore. I have been reading about Joy. God is our source of Joy. According to the Bible our salvation is reason enough to be joyful. "Restore the joy of your Salvation to me..." Psalm 51:12 God really did save us from the pit. whatever I'm facing now, it doesn't compare.
Something else. Paul rejoiced in his sufferings. He rejoiced while he was in jail. As a result he led the jailer AND his household to salvation(Act 16:25-34). I wonder if he would have had the same impact if he threw a temper tantrum first....God can really use everything for his Glory.
So instead of me seeing myself put out and uncomfortable I need to be looking for what God is doing in this situation and be praising him and rejoicing. I am grateful that this is just a temporary suffering (1 Peter 5:10.) I am also so glad for God's mercy and willingness to forgive my a bucket load of times!(psalm 86)
In parting, here is a Psalm that I have been reading multiple times. I hope you enjoy.
It is finally here! Every year I look forward to the first weekend in June. It is when the annual state homeschool convention takes place.
Now some who go pack up the entire family and go. There is all kinds of cool things to do for all ages, but we choose not to do that. This year there are 7 of us going. 3 couples plus 1 (we love her for boldly going with us) We go to classes, get encouraged, get ideas, shop at the vendors, shop at the biggest used sale ever, and best of all we just hang out. Just all of us adults, no kids. We can go and hang out at a restaurant for HOURS if we want. We don't have to go to bed if we don't want, we can watch HGTV without whining and complaining (the girls share a room and the guys share a room) I love and cherish this time.
It is great. Although by the time I get home having my head full of new ideas and having oodles of encouragement, I am so excited to see my kids.
I was pondering things at 4:00 this morning (the absolute BEST time to do it, or at least that is what my brain tries to tell me although I would rather sleep) I have come to the conclusion that I can very much relate to Peter.
A couple of weeks ago our lives took a change in course. This happens frequently but I really like the boring life and prefer less change and more of the same. But that rarely happens. I had determined that during this change that I was not going to panic. I did pretty good for the first few days, even a week! Then about 9 days into this change I got panicky. As my brain was wheeling and whirling and thinking of all of the "ifs"(the really bad "ifs" never the good "ifs") God spoke VERY clearly to me (I love it when he does this because if he is really quiet I question him for days on end... "Did you REALLY say that?") He said, "Do you trust Me?" OUCH! Most of the time I try to pretend I trust him, I can be convincing much of the time too. But really I was not.
I was reacting like Peter. I wanted to trust Him, I wanted to believe I could walk on water with him and I did for a few days. Then I took my eyes off of Him and I saw the waves splashing and the storm blowing around me. I became afraid of what I could see and afraid of the things my mind was seeing instead of having faith and trusting that God was and is the rock on which I'm standing. What a revelation, so simple but so very true. So here I am once again in my life, like the father with the demon possessed child, am crying out to God "I believe! Help me with my unbelief!"
I am so thankful that God is merciful and patient with me. I am also so thankful for his Word. He gave us examples of men (young men at that) that struggled, doubted, failed, were self-centered, ect... and then he used them to be mighty warriors for Him. That is truly in my heart of hearts what I desire to do, even if it isn't so "safe and secure." I just need to keep focused on God and not the storms that brew around me.
I have been tossing it around about starting a blog. I all ready had one at another blogging place but everyone left. Then it got quiet and boring. I admit a big part of blogging is the comments I get back.There were comments about not being able to reply or post or something. I did notice some problems but I am forever loyal. Kind of like a dog, but I believe on occasions even more so. I believe a dog would leave when he gets hungry and figures out no one is coming back. I guess it could be argued that that is what I have done.
Anyway. I have had a few things floating around in my head and I caught myself thinking, "that would be a great blog!" But alas, I have no blog. Then my daughter out of the blue told me she thought I should start another one up. So after a month or so tossing it around here I am.
I will tell you from the start it will be sporatic at best. Sometimes I have great ideas that I just have to share and then other times I will go weeks without anything. But I hope you join me and continue to check in.
